Resilient children and flexible routines

06/11/2015

Anxiety, Fears and Phobias , Behaviours and Discipline , Parenting Skills , Resilience and Self-confidence , Social Skills

Changes Psychology Team

Routines that allow flexibility are a good way to create resilient children.

Routines are important for children as they provide a sense of predictability in an otherwise unpredictable world. Routines also facilitate a sense of control and independence as children know what is expected, know how to complete tasks ask for help, and learn to manage their actions within a set pattern of activities to be done.

Routines can provide much comfort in times of distress, again because your child knows what to expect and what comes next, helping with their resilience or ability to continue on and cope with the situation.

Encourage your child to be involved in establishing routines within the family, e.g. what needs to be done in the mornings before school?

Making the list of tasks into a visual chart can be helpful for both yourself and your child as it makes the routine easy to refer to and can be personalised to encourage a sense of ownership and adherence.

For routines to be most effective, they need to be able to have some flexibility too.

Changes Psychology Flexible routines We can’t always predict what is going to happen on a daily basis and life will throw challenges our way, and at our kids too! So helping our children to understand that, and experience some flexibility rather than being stuck in rigidity, teaches them that it is a positive skill to be able to adapt to changes and go with the flow and fosters resilience.

Resilient kids need caring and competent adults

31/10/2015

Anxiety, Fears and Phobias , Behaviours and Discipline , Parenting Skills , Resilience and Self-confidence , Social Skills

Changes Psychology Team

Children need adults in their lives to whom the child can rely upon, feel valued by, and be confident they can obtain support from when needed.

Such adults can include parents, grandparents, teachers, neighbours, sports coaches, aunts, uncles, older siblings, and close family friends.

Having appropriate caring adults provides the child with someone he or she can model resilient behaviours off. That is, when a child sees the way adults competently handle situations, that child is learning effective ways to also manage stressful situations. Try to model a “can do” attitude to situations you face yourself, and your child will be more confident in following this positive attitude.

In addition to modelling coping behaviours, supportive adults can help build our child’s resilience by listening to them. Children feel validated and worthy when adults listen with empathy, consider the child’s perspective, and acknowledge the child’s feelings about situations.

By reflecting on your child’s view of the world before looking for solutions, we can help them to understand that their feelings are ok, they are worthy and valued, and it is normal to react to stressful situations. When adults jump in to fix a situation for a child or give advice we undermine our childrens’ belief that they can cope with challenges, and their subsequent ability to bounce back from difficulties.

Our children are going to make mistakes at times, but with supportive adults who help guide their decisions rather than lecture or punish, children are able to learn from those mistakes in a positive way. When your child feels that you understand them, you can then ask them how they think you can help. Adults can encourage children to strategise ways to manage situations and help guide our children in making effective choices for action without taking over the decision making process.

How family and community create resilience in kids

28/10/2015

Anxiety, Fears and Phobias , Behaviours and Discipline , Parenting Skills , Resilience and Self-confidence , Social Skills

Changes Psychology Team

Resilience in our children ultimately will be something that comes from within themselves, but our support and that of the support networks around them will aid that growth and offer them ongoing places for advice, guidance and help.

Obtaining support from other people and experiencing some predictability in life promotes resilience by building a child’s sense of being valued, competent and having some control over situations that may arise.

Humans are naturally sociable creatures and helping our children connect with other people strengthens resilience by providing the opportunity for social support and the belief that such support is available when needed.

It can be helpful to discuss with your child who they identify as people they can access support from and how they would get the assistance they need in various situations.
- Encourage your child to pick at least five people then assign each person to a finger or thumb on one hand. This can help your child remember who those support people are, e.g. my teacher is my pointer finger.

Role play various scenarios with your child to help them figure out who they would contact for support, how they would contact them, what they would say to explain the situation, etc. This can help build your child’s confidence in managing situations that may arise.

Encourage your child to be a friend in order to make and keep friends. Being involved in social, sporting, cultural, school, or spiritual events and groups can also promote a child’s sense of belonging, self worth, and belief that they are surrounded by people who will support them when in need.

Why we need more Resilience in our children

24/10/2015

Anxiety, Fears and Phobias , Behaviours and Discipline , Grief and Loss , Parenting Skills , Resilience and Self-confidence , Social Skills

Changes Psychology Team

Resilience is a skill that can be learned and practiced throughout life and a skill we need to be teaching our children.

Teaching children resilience facilitates their ability to cope with difficulties, whether they be daily events like stress of schoolwork, or infrequent trauma like losing a loved one.

Some people face more adversity in life than others, but the ability to cope and draw on protective factors benefits every child.

Research suggests children with low resilience tend to be more socially isolated, have poorer social skills, be more vulnerable to mental health problems, be more likely to become involved in criminal activities and/or violence, experience school failure, demonstrate challenging behaviours, have poorer physical health, lower self esteem, and hold a negative view of the future.

Children with higher levels of resilience have healthy attachments and connections with others, feel valued, believe in their own abilities and strengths, learn to set realistic goals, have healthy self esteem, are both physically and psychologically healthier, and have a positive and hopeful outlook for the future.

While the degree of resilience differs between individuals and circumstances, it makes sense then that parents and significant adults in children and young people’s lives help promote protective factors that can increase our children’s ability to cope with situations and successfully adapt for the future.

What is resilience and can it be learned?

22/10/2015

Anxiety, Fears and Phobias , Behaviours and Discipline , Grief and Loss , Resilience and Self-confidence , Social Skills

Changes Psychology Team

Resilience has become a common term used when talking about how children, and adults, cope in the face of adversity.

Resilience is having the ability to ‘bounce back’ and adapt to challenges and stressors in life. It is an important skill to have as we will all experience difficult times, setbacks, and stress. Resilience doesn’t mean a person has no emotional reactions to events – it is normal and healthy to feel emotional pain and distress when either we experience difficulties or hear about others’ traumatic experiences.

Instead, resilience involves acknowledging our emotions and implementing effective thoughts and behaviours to build our capacity to cope with life events and hardships. It is not a trait humans are born with but rather one that can be developed and learned over time, and a wonderful life skill to pass on to our children.

People who are resilient tend to have a higher sense of self-worth, and be more confident and hopeful. It is not however necessary,nor advisable, to throw our kids into traumatic situations in order to build up their resilience.

Most children living in supportive families and communities learn ways to adapt to situations they face in life which can help them cope better when they face challenging or threatening circumstances. However, there are a number of things parents, teachers and significant adults can do to help promote resilience in children.