Tag Archives: promoting resilience

How to regulate a child’s emotions and behaviour

12/11/2015



Children are generally less able to regulate, or control, their emotional expression and behaviour than adults.

Changes Psychology regulate emotions and behaviourEveryone experiences emotions – the feelings we have in response to situations and events. It is healthy to have a spectrum of emotions but the way our responses are expressed to others can cause difficulties, especially with children.  This is due to brain development,  is age related and also dependant on the levels of resilience the child has.

However, supportive adults can help children express their emotions and associated behaviours in socially acceptable ways and improve a child’s resilience and ability to deal with things better now and in the future.

Some ideas include:

  • Talking about emotions with your child in your everyday conversations. Using a variety of words to describe emotions encourages children to verbalise what they are feeling rather than act it out. Normalising ALL emotions is also important so your child feels ok about themselves, even when they are experiencing unpleasant emotions.
  • Setting up realistic expectations and boundaries for behaviour. Children have very little control over what happens in their lives but being able to predict the outcomes of their behaviours helps them to make choices about how they express themselves.
  • Guiding behaviour with attention and acknowledgement of efforts to behave appropriately and safely. Pay more attention to the behaviours you want and less to the behaviours you don’t want (considering safety needs).
  • modelling the expression your own emotions with appropriate words and behaviours. Children learn from those around them so your ways of expressing and managing emotions, both pleasant and unpleasant, are ideal opportunities to show kids that emotions can be felt and expressed safely and appropriately.

Kids build resilience by helping

03/11/2015



When kids help us around the house, at school, or help others, they build resilience.

Adults can help children build their feelings of confidence, competence and usefulness, and boost their belief that they can handle challenges by encouraging our children to help others.

 Changes Psychology Family to do listPromote helping behaviours and resilience within the family by identifying activities, chores, or responsibilities that are age-appropriate for your children to participate in. This may include allocating jobs to certain family members, such as setting the table, or feeding the dog,  and formalising this by having it written down for everyone to refer to.

Or, helping behaviours can be encouraged on a spontaneous basis depending on the situation, e.g. “Suzy, can you please help me bring the groceries into the house?”

When children have a sense of connection with others , as described in an earlier blog,  they are more likely to want to be involved in helping.

By giving our children the impression that we believe they can be useful and make a contribution, we are empowering them, promoting self-help skills, problem solving abilities, and independence, which in turn boosts resilience.

Encourage children to help others outside the family also. Brainstorm with kids ways they can be of assistance at school, at extra-curricular activities, within the community (a.g. age-appropriate volunteer work). Providing children with opportunities to help encourages a sense of responsibility and usefulness that children can tap into when they are faced with difficulties in life – the belief that I am useful and capable and can cope.

Changes Psychology Children helping

 

Read More: Resilient kids and flexible routines

Resilient kids need caring and competent adults

31/10/2015



Children need adults in their lives to whom the child can rely upon, feel valued by, and be confident they can obtain support from when needed.

Such adults can include parents, grandparents, teachers, neighbours, sports coaches, aunts, uncles, older siblings, and close family friends. 

Changes Psychology Competent adult resilient kids

Having appropriate caring adults provides the child with someone he or she can model resilient behaviours off. That is, when a child sees the way adults competently handle situations, that child is learning effective ways to also manage stressful situations. Try to model a “can do” attitude to situations you face yourself, and your child will be more confident in following this positive attitude.

In addition to modelling coping behaviours, supportive adults can help build our child’s resilience by listening to them. Children feel validated and worthy when adults listen with empathy, consider the child’s perspective, and acknowledge the child’s feelings about situations.

By reflecting on your child’s view of the world before looking for solutions, we can help them to understand that their feelings are ok, they are worthy and valued, and it is normal to react to stressful situations. When adults jump in to fix a situation for a child or give advice we undermine our childrens’ belief that they can cope with challenges, and their subsequent ability to bounce back from difficulties.

Changes Psychology mum and kid readingOur children are going to make mistakes at times, but with supportive adults who help guide their decisions rather than lecture or punish, children are able to learn from those mistakes in a positive way. When your child feels that you understand them, you can then ask them how they think you can help. Adults can encourage children to strategise ways to manage situations and help guide our children in making effective choices for action without taking over the decision making process.

 

Read more: Kids build resilience by helping

How family and community create resilience in kids

28/10/2015



Resilience in our children ultimately will be something that comes from within themselves, but our support and that of the support networks around them will aid that growth and offer them ongoing places for advice, guidance and help.

Obtaining support from other people and experiencing some predictability in life promotes resilience by building a child’s sense of being valued, competent and  having some control over situations that may arise.

Humans are naturally sociable creatures and helping our children connect with other people strengthens resilience by providing the opportunity for social support and the belief that such support is available when needed.

  • It can be helpful to discuss with your child who they identify as people they can access support from and how they would get the assistance they need in various situations.

    • Changes Psychology- resilience in children supportEncourage your child to pick at least five people then assign each person to a finger or thumb on one hand. This can help your child remember who those support people are, e.g. my teacher is my pointer finger.

 

 

 

  • Role play various scenarios with your child to help them figure out who they would contact for support, how they would contact them, what they would say to explain the situation, etc. This can help build your child’s confidence in managing situations that may arise.

 

  • Changes Psychology sports teamEncourage your child to be a friend in order to make and keep friends. Being involved in social, sporting, cultural, school, or spiritual events and groups can also promote a child’s sense of belonging, self worth, and belief that they are surrounded by people who will support them when in need.

 

 

 

Read more:  Resilient kids need competent adults

 

How to promote resilience in kids

26/10/2015



Not everyone displays the same characteristics of resilience, however there are a number of predictors of resilience which can be encouraged and taught.

People with good resilience adapt to difficult situations and stress by using a variety of resources and protective factors that are either external-in the environment around the person, or internal -personal attributes or beliefs. Parents can help their child develop resilience by promoting a mixture of both external and internal factors.

Changes Psychology sports team resilience

External factors that have positive influences on a child’s resilience include:

  • Establishing and maintaining connections with other people, e.g. family, friends, community group, school.
  • Having caring, competent adults in their life
  • Experiencing success in areas of interest including sport, music, arts
  • Helping others
  • Having predictable but flexible routines
  • Being involved in cultural beliefs and practices
  • Participating in school events

 

Internal factors that have positive influence on a child’s resilience include:

  • Problem solving skills
  • Emotional and behavioural regulation
  • A positive sense of self-worth
  • Believing that life has meaning and hope
  • Feeling valued for an ability or skill
  • Being aware of, and able to implement self care
  • Experiencing success with setting reasonable goals and moving toward them
  • Learning from experience
  • Accepting that change is inevitable and can be positive

Read more: How family and Community create resilient kids