Separated Parents: How to Communicate with your Ex!

Changes Psychology Communicating with your exCommunicating with your ex-partner is one of the most difficult things that separated parents will have to do. The main aim should always be minimising children’s exposure to conflict and negative emotions.

So….what are the best ways to communicate with your ex-partner, husband or wife?

  • Don’t fight in front of your kids – it only serves to model inappropriate communication to them. If there is likely to be conflict, agree on another time to discuss the issue when the children are not present
  • Never use your child as a messenger between two separated parents. This is a great idea between still together parents too!
  • In any communication with your ex-partner, even when the kids aren’t around, keep things more business like. Focus on your child and bring things back to that when either of you tangent. Kind of like a bad office meeting, or a parent/teacher session after 3 on a Friday. STAY ON TARGET.
  • Relearn the basics of communication- Thinking, Non verbals, Listening and Speaking. Use them all to become a better communicator with them
  • If needed, limit communication to the absolute essentials. Work on ways to communicate with each other that help both of you maintain a civil relationship and exclude any underlying negative feelings- be that by email, text, communication book or at a weekly coffee shop chat.
  • You must model the communication you’d like from your ex-partner and set the example, even when they are aggressive or antagonistic towards you. It will also help your kids to see the positive way you are trying to communicate.
  • If they are ignoring all of these, it doesn’t mean you should too!

Read more: Communicating with your Ex is worth it!